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No longer the stern and distant authoritarian of our own grandmothers' time, the role of today's grandmother has undergone big changes, says Mary Turner
Recently, I had my best ever holiday. I visited Rome, a place I'd been to many times before, stayed in a familiar hotel and did very little that was different. So why was it so special? The answer will strike a chord with many grandmothers - I was with my granddaughter, Poppy. It was a long-anticipated pleasure - her parents had made me wait until she was 12 before I was allowed to take her abroad on holiday. Rome is my favourite city and being there with Poppy made it even more so. Her joyful enthusiasm, so reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday, made places that I was in danger of taking for granted come alive again. In due course, when my other grandchildren, Isobel (10) and Wilfrid (4), reach 12 (one has to be fair) I'll take them on holiday to a place I love. I'm often grateful that I can enjoy my grandchildren in a way that would have been impossible for my grandmother. I have more energy and seem to be a great deal younger than she did at my age - understandable as she'd had 11 children. Certainly I have more time for each of my grandchildren, but then I have three and she had 24. We've changedBeing a grandmother in the past was very different. Before the Second World War, few married women worked outside the home and working mothers were rare. Grandmothers were firmly rooted in the home: they cooked, baked, knitted and sewed, and many of them lived close to their families. Differences between them stemmed largely from their character and personal circumstances.Today, thanks to the huge change in women's roles, expectations and opportunities over the past century, there is no such thing as a typical grandmother. While some are enjoying a traditional retirement and living near their families, others have gone in search of the sun and retired abroad. Many women become grandmothers while still working full-time and more than a few hold high-powered jobs. The acceptance of working mothers, however, has created a need for childcare and many families look to grandmothers to provide it. But not all women wish to spend their retirement looking after children, and many refuse to look after grandchildren on a regular basis. They feel that having brought up their own children (and in some cases looked after elderly parents) that they deserve some 'me time', whether that entails enjoying a hobby, returning to education or travelling around the world. But despite the reluctance of some, statistics show that grandparents (for that read grandmothers) provide 60 per cent of all childcare, saving the Government an estimated £4 billion annually in the process. Some help out occasionally, during school holidays for example, and they fit childcare around their other activities, but others undertake a more regular commitment. Whether she is baby-sitting or off backpacking, the modern grandmother usually has a relaxed and informal relationship with her grandchildren. Grandmothers of the past, brought up to believe that children should be 'seen but not heard', were often formal though loving figures and many were strict. And while they had skills to pass down, learning was a one-way street. Today's grandmothers, though equally ready to pass down skills, are also willing pupils relying on their grandchildren to keep them up-to-date with technology. Many a 'silver surfer' has been taught to use the Internet by a grandchild and, as a recent survey* showed, mobile phones, emails and texting are fast becoming the favoured ways of keeping in touch. This ease of communication means that grandmothers, even when living far apart, can have a rewarding relationship with their grandchildren. When things go wrongBeing a grandmother in the 21st century, however, is not always a bed of roses. In the UK more than 50 per cent of marriages end in divorce; 40 per cent of children are born to unmarried parents - many to cohabiting couples (and rates of separation amongst this group are thought to be higher than the divorce rate); around 1 in 4 children live with a lone parent. Closing the generation gapAnne Bailey, WI member from Ockbrook, Derbyshire, wrote, "It is lovely to be able to play and have fun with all my grandchildren - my grandmas were old when I was a little girl (or so it seemed). They loved me but never had fun with me..." |
